Wednesday, 29 August 2018
Saturday, 5 March 2016
Sketches
Saturday, 20 February 2016
Friday, 16 October 2015
I found a great courier service CRAP COURIERS here's the deal you wait in all day we don't turn up, or turn up and drive off claiming you weren't in. Irritation guaranteed
Ok what's the deal with all these courier services that can't deliver a parcel when they say they will or say they attempted to deliver but you weren't in, when you've been in all day waiting for them?
I was in one day waiting for a delivery, can't remember the company, but I kid you not this big hulking delivery driver tapped on my door (didn't bother with the doorbell) as if not to break the finest membrane of a spiders web or as if he wanted me to NOT hear him knocking, what's the scam do they get paid again to deliver it again?
I had some problems with Hermes they just kept messing up to pick a parcel up. Today Yodel or as I've found out Yodel direct ,Yodel via web chat told me that yodel direct are a different company yet Yodel direct list yodel.co.uk as their website contact, which is Yodel so not a different company. These sites do not have a contact number I wonder why?
I managed to find one on some site with loads of pissed of people with the same story, ‘
‘I waited in all day ‘
‘The driver just drove off’
‘Knocked on the door so as if to not break the super fine membrane of a spiders web!’
They took my phone number and will call me I don't quite believe they will,
Anyway I'm sitting in all day waiting for a delivery and wondering if the domain name is still available CRAPCOURIERS.COM
Friday, 25 September 2015
Chapter 2 The Trouser Thing
Trousers are an
item of clothing worn from the waist to the ankles, covering both legs
separately (rather than with cloth extending across both legs as in robes,
skirts, and dresses). They are also called pants in the United States, Canada,
New Zealand and Australia. In British English, the word "pants"
generally means underwear and not trousers. It can also mean 'that's not so
good’ as in 'well that’s a bit pants ' a polite way of saying 'it’s shit'
Fishpigg? Yes with two ‘G’s although I don’t think anyone knew they
were pronouncing two ‘G’s or why anyone would be named after a fish and a pig.
It probably
started out as a Facebook ID, Fishpigg not Trouser Thing, but that sounds pretty
good too, or was it YouTube? Well it definitely got in the face of a few.
He quite quickly
found out that it provided anyone who took a dislike to his sometimes blunt acerbic
wit, an instant retort that hardly needed any thinking about. It gave them
plenty of ammunition if somewhat obvious ammunition, usually implying smells
and obesity and rolling around in shit. He would then of course say that the
name was not his choice but destiny’s and a cosmic melding of east and west,
always with a faint hope that somebody would work it out.
Johnny, as
Fishpigg, liked to leave enlightening comments on YouTube as a way of sort of
hinting at how enlightened he was (which really isn't a very enlightened thing
to do). Comments like “WAKE UP, OPEN YOUR EYES” to a bunch of Non-duality
satsangers who were all sat around with their eyes shut.
He once made a comment about some Tai Chi
teacher who really wasn't teaching Tai Chi the Chinese call it Tofu Tai Chi, the
guy looked more like a hairdresser, it was all a bit floaty corny spirituality
but man those Tai chi guys comments were vicious. One guy in particular was
just not peaceful or Tai Ji like at all and used all the smelling of fish and a
pig in shit similes and seemed to be very upset. Fishpigg said ‘just chill out
man I’m sure your teacher wouldn't want you to be so totally aseholeic about
this just relax, no resistance stay grounded ,get a haircut I’m ‘Sorry I didn't
realise he was your girlfriend ‘
“Keep taking the smarties! “ Was not
appreciated by someone who really shouldn’t be doing interviews on
consciousness or in English without subtitles. He got barred from making any
more comments on that site instantly after his first comment which just didn’t
add up you know you’re talking about enlightenment, compassion, tolerance
understanding but this one slightly harmless comment really pisses your
enlightened ass off and BLAM not even a warning, any way that was a shame
because he really liked it and watched it a lot.
You see some of
these comments were meant to stir people’s emotions it was like a test “you
think you’ve attained some higher level of consciousness or compassion but
these words have left wounds.
Ah but they’re
only words you say ‘Shut the fuck up’ you stupid son Of a bitch’ he says or
would say if he was in an American movie but he isn't so he says ‘Shut the fuck
up you motherfucker idiots’ because sometimes he like to think he’s in an American
movie, other times he’ll say ‘Paris is so much more romantic in the rain, don’t
you think?’ If he feels like being in a woody Allen movie about Paris.
If he’s feeling a
little 1988 Bruce Willis (Die Hard) or Roman Polanski he’ll just smoke a Gauloise.
Words are very
very powerful maybe he was a bit careless, but Like Ram Dass once said, “If you
think you are enlightened, spend a week with your parents. You see Johnny’s
drinking and drugging adventures were really a misguided tour towards
enlightenment.
Anyway it wouldn’t
have been that long before he would have been leaving more positive comments
like ‘Reduce the smarties gradually ‘a supervised withdrawal is recommended‘-Learn the correct
English words so that your non dual enlightened Masters actually know what
you’re on about', then I don't have to listen to some non-dual band wagoner
answer the wrong question for twenty minutes and then realise that he’s just
answered the wrong question for twenty minutes because he couldn’t understand
your accent and it was a stupid fucking question anyway because there is no-one
to ask it or answer it there is only sitting on a fucking chair.
One of his best
comments was of course the Trouser thing ‘Put some Trousers on’ was aimed at
Adyshanty This bald monk looking guy who didn’t look old enough to be wise or
Zen like.
He was wearing
something like an orange bathrobe or a dress a Buddhist monk’s bathrobe.
Fishpigg thought that it was totally
hierarchically uncool and naff-like. ‘Oh when you become as enlightened or as
obviously peaceful as I am’ It was like having a neon sign in neon ORANGE
around his holy Orange neck saying ‘get your enlightenment here discount for
early bookers ‘So Fishpigg suggested that he could change his name again to
Adyapanty because he would be wearing trousers if he ‘PUT SOME FUCKING TROUSERS
ON YOU KNOB’
I guess they could
be Orange trousers? Surprisingly he did start to wear trousers and a shirt
which obviously was the result of Fishpiggs hilarious enlightening comment and
non-dual intervention, he was quite proud of that.
But who is quite
proud of that if there is no self?
Q: How many
non-dualist does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, without
another. (Non- dualist joke)
Tuesday, 15 September 2015
The Clayton Moss: Ok I think my Selfie, is finished.I have eyes! I ...
The Clayton Moss: Ok I think my Selfie, is finished.I have eyes! I ...: Ok I think my Selfie, is finished.I have eyes! I have to say it looks better in the flesh so to speak. ...
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